Cyrenaic

Cyrenaic

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Another update on dating- diving into the empty pool

By Steve Otto

This is another update on my dating experiences. My best simile is that my dating experience is like diving into a swimming pool. Just as I realize I’m where the water should be, I realize some one forgot to put water in the pool. There I am headed for a fall.

This week I called a woman I’ve known for some time and asked here out. She said she might go out with me. She said, “call me later.” So, I called her later. I had trouble getting her on the phone. So, Saturday I tried several times go get a hold of her. On the fourth try she answered the phone and went off on me. She got really mad and told me off. According to her I called “four times.” That’s four whole times. I guess four is way too many for her. Of course, she doesn’t answer her phone and a friend of hers said “you have to keep calling her.” And that’s what I did, and it just pissed her off.

Women seem kind of sensitive to me. I went with a woman last year and went drinking. After getting too drunk I mumbled something in a drunken stupor. I didn’t realize I was saying it. The woman took offence, and we haven’t seen each other since. These women seem to take the path of absolutely no forgiveness. Make a mistake and the relationship is over. There was a woman who got mad because I couldn’t remember who she was when she said she was” from the site.” It seemed as if I had two women yelling in my ear at the same time. Woman just aren’t that tolerant lately. I got mad and told one lady to fuck off. Of course, that pissed her off. She wanted to break things off anyway.

So overall, I have met some of the rudest women in my life. I have had


dates in the past. It was never this hard. I know I have made some mistakes, but once again, there is no forgiveness and no redemption. It has simply been a miserable experience. Maybe it will get better. I have recently been on the site Benaughty. I recently told a woman:

“Originally, I have been going to Elite Singles and Eharmony. So, I made up all these thing that I can match up with.  But by now, I'm thinking maybe I just want a horny woman who wants sex. The hell with political beliefs, religion and all that compatibility crap. I suddenly don' think it is that important. I once had a relationship with a woman who was nothing like me, but I found her physically attractive. I'm beginning to think that was as better idea.”  

 So this is my update. It could be better and I hope it gets better. 


Saturday, June 18, 2022

Another adventure of dating and drinking

 By Steve Otto

Yesterday I went to the doctor, Dr. Ranjini Madhavan. All week long I’ve had blood sugar problems. A few weeks ago, I met a lady on Elite Singles. I was going to quit that site but I changed my mind. This woman I met from that site met at a local restaurant and told me she wanted to start out as friends. I agreed. On the positive side, I went out with her four times. She is the first woman I met on-line, who met me for more than just one date. I’ve had several dates, from that site, where I met a woman where she was my first and last date all in one.

So, this new friend tried to give me a lot of advice and help. On our fourth date she explained to me that we had no possible future- no possibility of a relationship. We were too different, she said. She even said she thinks a lot about an old flame. So, I feel like our time together is basically over.

One of her last suggestions was that I detox from alcohol and drugs.[1] At first I laughed that idea off. But lately I’ve been getting sick a lot and finally I decided to try and quit drinking and quitting drugs – at least for now. For almost a week I drank some beer- but no more whiskey and wine, which I have been drinking in the bars and at home.

After a week of near sobriety, I found myself in a deep depression. It was as bad as my “contemplate suicide” days. So, I resorted at least to a small dose of drugs to stop the depression.

So earlier this week I went to the Emergency Room, on the advice of my new girl friend and they suggested I go to my regular doctor. I did and she said the ER people said I was drunk and disoriented. I had been drinking but I explained that my blood sugar was at 45 one day and 20 two days later. They checked my blood sugar and did a number of tests for high blood pressure the condition of my heart and everything was normal. So, they acted like I was demented or something. The Doctor asked me if I forget things. I said, sometimes. She suggested I use Meals on Wheels. She asked me questions as to who lives at my house and if I have any relatives who can help me out. She wants to see a psychologists. He specializes in alcoholism. He may go by the AA[2] program’s philosophy.  That means no other drugs- no getting high in any way shape or form. Absolute sobriety.[3]

By the time I left the doctor’s office, I felt like I was perceived as a doddering demented old fart. Old age does suck for some of us. 

There is more to this story, I’m stopping here and I will continue this later.



[1] At this point I would rather not name the drug, in order to protect myself.

[2] Alcoholics Anonymous.

[3] See: The debate over choosing how we treat our own bodies continues with "People Are Going ‘California Sober"


Thursday, May 19, 2022

Marlene Annette Winter has passed on—John Mesh and I went to her funeral recently

By Steve Otto

Marlene Winter just died recently—last month (April 10). I seem to be writing a lot of obituaries lately—way more than I would like to. I have to admit, I really liked Marlene. I almost liked her enough to ask her out on a date. But I never got the nerve up to doing that.

She was pretty. Even as she got older, she still looked good.

She liked tie-died shirts and other hippy type clothing. I remember years ago when I met her at Kirby's. She was bare foot and wearing a tie-died shirt, and in general, she dressed like a hippy.

As she got older she adopted a "born again" religion. She quit drinking  and her outlook on life was quite different from mine.  But she was always open minded enough where she did not run off her best friends, including me and John Mesh.

Two weeks ago (May 7)Mesh and I went to her funeral. She had been cremated so she was not actually there for us to see. But we met with her family and other friends. She was not all that old when she died. She had been sick and a post-Covid pulmonary embolism finished her off. This was a very sad occasion for John and I. John noticed that most of us, who visited Tim Pouncy at the hospital right before he died, were now dead. Just John and I are left.

It is a sad time in our lives where a lot of our friends are dying off. And in old age there is little we can do about that.


Friday, April 29, 2022

Another dismal dating experience

 By Steve Otto

Wow! What an ass hole. I met this woman tonight and she ran out on me when I went to the bathroom. Then she cut all contacts with me on that site. I don't know what bothered here but she clearly did not like me.

What an ass hole. She not only doesn't like me she is a coward.

So far my dating experiences have been really bad. I'm not sure what I'm going to do next. It sure has not done me much good to look for a woman to date. I get tired of always being alone. I was married a long time and I'm not used to it. The women I've met so far have  been terrible. Not one has agreed to a second date. I can't see myself giving up but clearly something is not working right.

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Our old home movies

 It's fun to look at those old family movies. This one below has me and my Uncle Bill Otto:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnnRGs17nBQ

Here we are a little older:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wca53gOXeHc

And even older:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9M7nRQVTRGk


Wednesday, April 13, 2022

An update on my recent, crappy, dating experiences

 By Steve Otto

Wow. I've been going on dates ever since the beginning of the year. Despite my declaration that I was finished with on line dating, I hooked up with some women who were new to me anyway. So far the experience has been horrible.

I heard from some women last week. One woman suggested we go out. I also had a date with a different woman the week before. So on Saturday, I get a call from the first woman who says her daughter doesn't think it is proper that she is dating, since her husband died only last August. I told her that many of my friends said the same thing after my wife died January of last year. I told them I have the right to do what I want with the rest of my life. About the same time I get a call from anther woman from that site claiming we met at Silver Singles. But I'm not on that sight and I told her that. It turns out that Silver Singles and Elite Singles must use the same site. She cussed me out about the same time the other woman told me her daughter means to much to her for us to ignore her and go out. But now I'm being screamed at by 2 different people or it seems that way. I told the first woman to "fuck off." Bad choice of words I'm sure, but it doesn't matter much because I think it was over for us anyway.

The other woman decides to go out with me last Saturday. I really liked her and thought maybe we had something in common. She did not and sent me a text telling me that we "were incompatible" and other various things, including telling me that she blocked my phone number.

I've been out with several women, all of the dates lasted once. The messages I get seem nastier all the time. I left a message for a woman last week. Yesterday I got a message back that accused me of calling her a guy. I may have misprinted something, but I clearly knew she was a woman and I told her so. She was rude and cussed me out. But to be fair, she did sort of apologize. 

I'm pulling back from dating for now. It just seems like there are women out there who feel free to be rude and obnoxious to men they don't know. A lot of these women are ass holes. I'm considering lowering my age limit to 50. What happens to these women to give them the excuse to be rude and obnoxious to people they never me. Many of them don't look that good, but I figures it was only fair to approach women in my age group.

Well the hell with that. I don't know when I will go back to looking for women again, I seem to like dating despite all the crap I've had to put up with. I'm going to be a lot pickier with the women I approach and I feel no obligation to nice to any person who is not respectful of me.

Monday, March 28, 2022

Sexuality is not wrong—suppressing it is

 

By Steve Otto

Just today, I met up with a woman I hope to get to know. This is a good time to remind myself that the women I meet in real life are never like the women I see in porno movies.

So I’ve decided to muse on the subject of porno films.  I have argued in the past with people about pornography. Despite all the objections from guys, as well as women, I still think most guys look at sexually explicit materials at least some of their time. And among some of the opponents of my views there is the agreement that there is a difference between straight out porn and erotica. Anti-porn people vary on where they draw the line. But most of the Marxist-Leninists (and MLM) activist I know are against most sexually explicit photos and films.

As my brother pointed out to me the other day, the people in those films don’t talk like, or act like real women (or men) that we know. It is important not to make the mistake of talking to women about what a guy sees on such films and forgetting that the dialog with real women is far different. Forget that and a guy can offend a woman really bad. And the results can be terrible. I actually know a guy who made a bad impression on a woman I knew who dated him. She said he talked about moves he learned watching porno films. She was not impressed—the very opposite.

Still I wonder what motivates a man or woman to expose their private parts in a movie, doing personal things that most people would never do in public? Are they just out to make money? Do they enjoy what they do? One anti-porn woman I talked to said she read an interview of a porn star who said they often had her doing things that were painful. I don’t doubt that. I’m sure there are forms of pornography that no one should really do.  It can be painful and unnecessary. I have watch some films, in the past, and wondered how a woman could tolerate such treatment. I’m not in favor of just anything. Abusive films need not be made.

It is easy to see that porn film stars are doing things that look good on the cameras, but most of us would not have those types of sex for fun. Most men in those films ejaculate (the money shot as they call it) out of the vagina, not in as most people would do. There are many angles that a person would use for sex only so the camera can see what they are doing. In some ways it is hard to distinguish between people who simply want to film their sex life and those who are professional porn stars.

So why do people do this for a living? Money would be a big reason. Some people might find the activities they are in as exciting adventures. Some may be rebelling against the puritanical society we live in.

At times there are only pictures of nude people. Some are tasteful, some look candid as in a person who just happens to be out naked in their yard or on a beach. Others may be demonstrating crude poses that most normal people would ever do. Again, what is their motive? For example some women like being photographed while they are peeing. These photos are not intended to be tasteful.

Then there is all the non-sense I have seen on line about pornography. Some of the claims are just plain idiotic. For example consider this piece I found on pornography Addiction:

"How Can You Spot A Pornography Addiction?

Many seek sexual stimulation outside of the bounds of ‘normal’ intercourse. In most cases, people can keep this urge under control, but serious problems arise when people (especially young people) use porn as an educational rather than a recreational tool, and attempt to apply the fictitious (and often damaging) mores of porn to their real-life sexual encounters."

Many of the articles I found treat pornography as a drug or on par with gambling addictions. Of course there are always those who become compulsive addicts to an activity, such as gambling or pornography or some other activity.

Another absurdity I found was "7 Negative Effects of Porn,"

by BJ Stockman. He claims that pornography causes:  

"PORN CONTRIBUTES TO SOCIAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS WITHIN MEN."

2. PORN REWIRES THE MALE BRAIN

Struthers elaborates,

  1. As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on [pornographic images], the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with woman are routed….They have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image (Wired For Intimacy, 85)."

This is real pseudo science. This guy writes this crap to make a name for himself. These claims are ridiculous.

 

3. PORN TURNS SEX INTO MASTURBATION

Sex becomes self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for. 

 

So no one in normal society masturbates? How absurd it that?

 

"4. PORN DEMEANS AND OBJECTIFIES WOMEN."

 

We see this on both the left and the right. Porn can objectify anyone male or female. Again, it is a weak argument.  It also says a lot that a woman is objectified, demeaned or humiliated by sex and her sexuality. Why is sex humiliating.

 

"5. PORN SQUASHES THE BEAUTY OF A REAL NAKED WOMAN

Wolf, in her own blunt way, confirms this,

  1. For most of human history, the erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn (Quoted in Wired for Intimacy, 38).

6. PORN HAS A NUMBING EFFECT UPON REALITY.

7. PORN LIES ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MALE AND FEMALE

Dines records how porn tells a false story about men and women. In the story of porn, women are “one-dimensional”–they never say no, never get pregnant, and can’t wait to have sex with any man and please them in whatever way imaginable (or even unimaginable). On the other hand, the story porn tells about men is that they are “soulless, unfeeling, amoral life-support systems for erect penises who are entitled to use women in any way they want. These men demonstrated zero empathy, respect, or love for the women they have sex with…(Pornland, xxiv).”

Most of this is just a lot of absurd crap. Some of these things may really happen in extreme cases, but rewiring a persons brain about sex does not happen that easily. Any person has to be able to distinguish between fantasy and reality. For example the early, 1 AD writer, Titus Lucretius Carus mused:

"Hot pitch, executioners, torture, and all those ghastly diversions the judges impose on felons scare us and let us imagine an eternity of whips, firebrands, and scourges, the effect of which is to make life on this earth a hell for those fools who cannot distinguish dreams from the truth.”  

And there are those people who work really hard at repressing their own sexual desires:

 

From Pure Life Ministries:

"has been a pioneer in dealing with sexual addiction and its consequences for over 35 years. During that span of time thousands of people have found freedom through our counseling programs and teaching materials....

....Residential

Our 9-month Residential Program, located in a beautiful rural Kentucky setting, is the ideal solution for any man in sexual sin."

Here we see an example of someone who uses religion to try and destroy their sexual desires. I have seen this before. Many religious people treat sex as a sin...pure and simple. They treat it as a curse. Sexuality is a normal part of most people's lives. Sex is not wrong. In some forms it can be wrong. Rape is wrong. We must treat others with respect—regardless of their own sexual practices. We don't want to force ourselves on others. All sex must be consensual. We have no right to force ourselves on anyone.

But sexuality in itself is a normal part of life. It should be treated as such. Some pornography does cross that line. For example it is not normal to watch a women being gang banged. Regardless of the background for making such films, no women should be portrayed as a victim. That is not normal sex. There is nothing wrong with pictures of nude people. Some portrayed sex acts cross the line between what is normal and what is not. But to put blank labels on all porn, as something evil and destructive, is simplistic and stupid. We live in a world were some sexuality is a normal part of life. To deny this is to deny humanity. It is absurd to say the least.