From F5:
According to the band NOFX, "Bob spent 15 years getting loaded, 15 years 'till his liver exploded." They then proceed to pose the question: "What's Bob gonna do now that he can't drink?" Well let me tell you, if Bob was a beer lover, his prospects are pretty dismal.
I can tell you this because I gave up alcohol for Lent, and things have gotten pretty desperate at the F5 beer desk. So desperate, in fact, that I have taken to drinking nonalcoholic beers. And most everything you might have ever suspected about them is true. Much like a sugar- and fat-free brownie or a soy-based vegan chicken nugget, they are only good when qualified as not being as good as what they are trying to mimic.
So here are the contestants.
Beck's Non-Alcoholic
My favorite fake pilsner. This beer actually has some form of nose. I have to admit that smelling this beer did scratch the itch slightly. Then I had to go and taste it and was let down from there. Maybe a hops vape device is all that a recovering IPA addict needs?
St. Pauli N.A.
A fourth place among the competitors and second to the Becks. But as I drank the Becks NA on a trip to Colorado and have not found it here, this is about the best you're going to do in Wichita.
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