Cyrenaic

Cyrenaic

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Journal entry—I don’t get fucked up on the Lord

By - សតិវ​ អតុ
Last week my got cut by 2/3. My doctor changed things around. I now have only 2 tabs each day for 30 days. I really haven’t had much of a problem with alcohol this week. Everything has gone smooth, except the problem.
All those AA people like to say: “There are no drug substitutes. A drug is a drug is a drug.” WTF. The reality is I don’t believe in god or the afterlife. Even if there is a god there may still be no afterlife. So why not take part in things that bring about pleasure.
A lot of the people in AA like to talk about prayers they say and rebuilding their relationship with God. They seem to get a high from believing they are talking to god and he magically takes their cravings away. That does not work for me. I can’t get those placebo type feelings that religion gives people. Maybe I don’t want to trade a real drug in place of a spiritual one. Why not use things that will give me pleasure. That’s not to say that pleasure is everything. I have a desire to contribute positive things to this world. I want to make the world a better place for future generations and my son. I am driven to make the world a better place.
On the positive side I made some អាភៀន tea. Those kinds of things take my mind off of alcohol which can destroy my already messed up liver. So as far as I’m concerned I don’t need to be fucked up on the Lord so that I can avoid being fucked up on alcohol.

I used to be fucked up on drugs—now I’m fucked up on Jesus.

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