Cyrenaic

Cyrenaic

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Journal Entry—Sharp turn in my treatment program

By សតិវ អតុ
Last week was a terrible time for me at my alcohol and drug program meeting. I got ribbed for slipping up and failing to be the holy and purified sober guy. I was told it might take me two years for my brain to really get cured from years of alcohol and drug use. I was waiting valuable time and postponing my recovery every time I slipped and might want to change programs. TWO YEARS!!! GET REALL!!!
 I’ve been using  or drinking ភៀន tea. I’ve felt bad about it for a while…but now I’m through. Fuck it! I plan to use whatever I need to feel good EXCEPT BOOS. And if I occasionally slip and drink a beer—so what?!
I felt really down and out and decided I was finished with that drug program. I’m 59 going on 60 yrs old. I’m too set in my way for a whole new way of thinking and living. I am what I am. I don’t like relying on spirituality—IF it is god stuff. AND I don’t respect authority. I think they kinda’ promote that. 
This week I feel a little better and I decided to go back to the AA program near my house. Maybe I will give that program some more time. A lot of people there tonight said it took them a while to do that program and do the steps. So maybe if I can have a half dozen second chances I will give that program a try. If I don’t become holy and pure I just don’t plan to lose sleep over it.



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